Buses and Tips (Gratuities, not advice... don't take my advice...)

Evening folks. This past weekend saw me travel from my beloved Estelí to what seems to be the universally reviled Managua. Seriously, the things that people (in Estelí and in travel books) say about Managua are vicious. My homestay mom is pretty sure that I will be robbed no fewer than seven times (the chronology of this post is awkward and I apologize. Since typing this, I have made it out of Managua safely, wallet intact.). I feel quite safe here, but then again I smell of dirty laundry and I’m not frolicking around bad neighbourhoods after dark. To be quite honest, the most unsafe thing about Managua seems to be getting to Managua. Buses here are wild. If I get killed or maimed on this trip, I assure you that it will be bus-related. At least it will be an adventurous final few moments. Take, for example, the things that I saw on this most recent bus trip, in no particular order:

- Vegetable vendors jumping on the side of the bus and riding along for a few short minutes, going from window to window, selling huge bags of tomatoes, onions, and peppers. Seriously, who rides the bus and gets a craving for a dozen chilli peppers… or suddenly remembers that they needed 14 tomatoes? I can’t help but think that if the vendors were selling gum or cookies they would attract more business. Apparently the fruit vendors don’t enjoy being hop-alongs.

- People walking along highways, whether here or in Canada, never cease to amaze me. I always ask myself where these people came from, given that the last town we passed was 13 kilometers away, as well as where they are going, given that there is no town indicated on the map for another 9 kilometers. Even stranger is when they are not walking alone. Take, for example, the man I saw today walking along an open stretch of highway in the midday sun with a kitchen table on his back. Where, sir, are you going with that table? Granted the table provided some much needed shade but there seem to be better ways to go about getting that. Stranger still (or not), was the man with about four, 6 by 10 sheets of Styrofoam sauntering down the PanAmerican highway. Weird.

- In addition to the outside vendors, every once in a while, a vendor will come aboard the bus. Here you get a little more variety than the almost exclusively vegetable sellers described above. These on-board vendors ride along for five or ten minutes, then get off and (I assume) take the bus back the other way. Today, there were two individuals selling pharmaceutical products (they had memorized their speeches and spoke as though they were television commercials, giving the side effects, dosage requirements, etc. It was scary.), a number of water sellers, a lady selling bologna sandwiches, a boy selling stickers, and a few individuals selling special plated concoctions. There are two things that I find fascinating with these individuals. First, I must stress once again that the products they are selling are not what I would consider “bus buys”. Who sits on a bus, on their way to the alleged hell-hole that is Managua (that’s what they say!) and thinks, wow, I really need some de-worming tablets? Are de-worming tablets really spur of the moment purchases? Why aren’t people selling gum, lollipops, or chips (I concede that the plated items, though not my cup of tea, are valid items in this regard as well)? It boggles my mind. The second funny thing is that if these vendors want to take the five minute bus ride for free, they have to be willing to give away one of their items to the bus attendant who controls access to the bus and collects the fares. As a result, throughout the trip, I saw the bus attendant juggling a bag of water, popping cherry-flavoured multivitamins (from the pharmaceutical vendors), looking at a cool pack of Spiderman stickers, and chowing down on a bologna sandwich. Though comical, none of this is all that concerning except for the multivitamins being used as candy. For the sake of this man’s health, I really hope he doesn’t let many pharmaceutical vendors on the bus.

- On two separate occasions, two different passengers sitting beside me made the sign of the cross. I told you it was dangerous.

Why, you may be asking yourself, would I be going to Managua? Well, there is a simple answer to that question. Rebecca is visiting for a week and I took an incredibly undeserved holiday from school. Seriously, I'm living in the lap of luxury, being overfed, and having one-on-one Spanish lessons and I take a holiday? You are allowed to resent me. Anyways, Rebecca is visiting and we are visiting the "fake" Nicaragua (this is a rant for a different day but let me say this: The next time some hippie from Oregon tells me that "the beach will always be there, man, Esteli is the real Nicaragua" I'm going to do three things: 1) kick them in the shins, 2) tell them that they are being elitist, racist, and ridiculous, and 3) spit on them and say "is that real enough for you?" Apparently anything that is beautiful, nice, and as a result visited by tourists isn't "real". Ugh. I could go on but these rants put me in a mood.). The "fake" Nicaragua that we will be seeing includes San Juan Del Sur, a beautiful beach town with near-empty beaches, cliffs, delicious swordfish, and wonderful waves, Laguna de Apoyo (verdict pending), Granada (verdict pending), and Masaya (verdict pending). I'm pleased to announce that Rebecca will be guest blogging later this week to recap these areas. I don't expect her to use Dutch, so I apologize in advance to Opa and Oma. She is also boring. But don't tell her I said that.

And now, to finish, a note about tipping. Let me tell you what you are expected, according to local Managuans, to tip for in Managua.
1) Taxis (absolutely I agree. This is fair and well-deserving of a tip. Although if you charge me 200 cordobas for an 80 cordoba trip, your tip will likely be small. As in nothing.)
2) People wrastling your bags from you and putting them on a bus. (I'd much rather pay you not to take my bag from me, but if you have successfully gained possession of the bag and are kind enough to put it on the bus for me, I will gladly tip you).
3) Following and watching the bag person described in #2. The following really happened and these are as close to direct quotations as I can remember:
(Scene: Rebecca and I are settling in on the bus, having had our bags placed underneath the bus by an individual standing near the bus (we shall call him X))
X: Good day. I placed your bags under the bus and should receive a tip.
Vince: Fair enough. (Takes out wallet. I didn't want to take out my wallet in the bustling station so had planned on tipping this gentleman after we had settled down in the bus.)
Lady in red: Yes. He and I.
Vince: I'm sorry, what? (Gives tip to person X who leaves the bus)
Lady in red: A tip for he and I.
Vince: He put our bags on the bus.
Lady in red: Yeah. I watched.
Vince: What? (Apparently at this point I gave her what Rebecca described as a nasty look)
Lady in red: I watched him put your bags on the bus. (Her honesty was refreshing. At least she didn't invent a more useful role for herself).
Vince: Fine... (Tip given. Lady in red walks away.) ...please keep "watching" the bags. (Vince gets in the final shot... though she still has his money.)